my youngest daughter, i have 3, turned 2 today. she has been one of our family's greatest joys in what has been the most difficult stretch of our time together. this morning as i hold her close to me, i actually see my reflection in the dark center of her eyes. there is nothing about her that is not miraculous.
i did not think i would have 3 children though at one point in my younger years it was my dream. i had forgotten that dream until somewhere midway through my third pregnancy. finding out i was going to have her came as a complete shock. i had a lot of trouble having the first 2. it never occurred to me that a 3rd child was possible. i found out that i was pregnant days after discovering that my husband was in severe crisis. it was the kind of information that crushes hope in a split second. the knowledge of the pregnancy overwhelmed me and for the first time in my life i was completely paralyzed in fear. for 3 days i spoke only to my children. my nights were spent sobbing and face down before God in a prayer than seemed more like desperate pleading. i was exhausted, but came out of that with a resolve to move forward in celebration, joy, and gratitude.
truthfully i cannot say that as a family we have made it through all that came to light on that day. i can say that we are continuing to move forward. i do not live in fear, but i do experience it.
so this morning as i had my coffee on the patio, i thanked God for this child, a true desire of my heart. she is a tender soul who has been such light in a time of struggle. we all feel it. we are all drawn to her. the purity of her love, the innocence in her smile, the joy in her eyes...the length of her tight hugs...it's all so amazing. i love her so deeply.
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